definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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