They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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