Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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