i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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