maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize