I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
