my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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