oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
