I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
