I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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