I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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