He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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