Sry I called you an 8
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
