i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize