My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
