im holly from the hills drunk
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
