Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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