if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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