please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
