So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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