so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
