So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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