I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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