whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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