you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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