Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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