Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
