yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
