i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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