okay pat passed out under dana's car
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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