Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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