Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
