I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
