Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
