i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
