I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
