chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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