Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
