apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just pee around me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
