your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
