i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
