ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
