No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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