just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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