EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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