Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
