i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
