Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
