I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize