I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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