Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
