My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
