I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
