yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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