i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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