you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
