PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
