the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
