This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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