I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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