just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
