What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize