i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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