I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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