im drinking this country out of the recession.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
