I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
