i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize